May, 2011:

Good – bad, pleasant – unpleasant, right – wrong, happy – sad… Life is filled with polarities of life experience. And what do they have in common? I get to experience them because I’m alive.

I am alive. That’s perhaps the only truth. Everything else just has the meaning (or story) that we give to it. For example, before I speak to a group I can notice that my palms are sweaty, my stomach is upset, my face is flushed and my knees are weak. One story I can give to all that is that I’m scared, afraid of failure, probably not good enough – and that maybe I shouldn’t “go on.” Or, I could notice all those physical experiences and choose to see them as expressions of excitement as I do something new and challenging…and then decide confidently walk on stage knowing that I’m here to experience life and share love as best I can.

Practice: The next time you’re feeling anxious or upset, change your story. Ask yourself: what story am I telling myself now? Is there another story that will be more pleasant and/or empowering? Give yourself a deep breath and experience the new story.

What you do on a daily basis adds up. In fact, it creates a life.

What you do once – it has an impact, though small it may be.

What you do day in and day out – that has a much bigger impact. And it gives shape to a life.

For example, what food do you give your body? Do you eat something with preservatives or other un-natural ingredients? Over a few years, they add up and accumulate in the body, often weighing us down physically and emotionally. Or, do you eat a lot of vegetables, grains and other natural foods? They add up to a health body that feels good.

This applies to our “mental body” as well. Do we exercise thoughts that produce anxiety daily? Over time, we get an anxiety-filled life. Or you could choose to practice joyful anticipation, trusting that Life will provide what you need to get to your next step. This builds a much more joyful journey.

So what do you want to create? A painting? Then paint a few strokes a day and in a few weeks or months – you’ll have your painting. How about a healthy, deep, loving relationship – with a friend or partner? Then DAILY contribute toward that goal with authentic communication or quality time together. Want to be a great basketball or piano player? Then practice your free-throws and scales daily.

What we do repeatedly, day after day, builds our goals and creates our life journey.

1. CHOOSE your daily actions. All of them.
2. CHOOSE your goals – what you want to have in a few weeks, months, years or decades.
3. And then act daily in support of those goals, even if it’s one small action a day over the course of a lifetime.

Practice: NOTICE what you’re doing daily. Once we become aware of what we’re doing daily, we have choice. Instead of doing things and thinking in ways that are rote, begin to choose them consciously.

Practice: CREATE a goal. Set a time you want it achieved. Daily create an action toward that goal. Schedule the time to take that action!

You are choosing to read this right now. You are choosing to be where you are. Every waking moment of every day, we are choosing. We are making choices. And even when we (think we) are not choosing what we’re doing, we’re still choosing our reaction to it.

Yes, choosing our reaction. Emotions move through us. Thoughts move through us. And WE CHOOSE which emotions and which thoughts to focus on. Sometimes it seems like they are controlling us. Really, we’re choosing. Don’t believe me? Here’s an example: someone cuts you off in traffic. You feel anger. You make the other person “bad.” You stay angry. Then you’d say, “this jerk cut me off in traffic and made me angry.”  Consider: what if you know that person was trying to get to the hospital to see a loved one who was just injured. Then you might feel compassion and forgiveness for him cutting you off – since he probably didn’t even see you clearly. WE CHOOSE what to focus on.

The more aware we are of what we are choosing, the more likely we are to make more conscious choices in the future, and the more likely we are to CREATE the moment to be more of what we want in life.

Practice: For 5 minutes, or a whole day…whenever you can remember to do so, say to yourself: “I am choosing…” and end the sentence with whatever it is you are actually doing in the moment or feeling. “I am choosing to cook.” “I am choosing to work here.” “I am choosing to feel joy.”

Change can feel challenging. Especially when we’re making the change of being more of ourselves; expressing ourselves more authentically. We may become overwhelmed with our thoughts about, “What’ll happen if I do this, or that…?” “How will others react?” “What else will I have to change because of this?

Change can bring unknowns. Yes.

AND, there are things that you DO know:

You’re breathing.
You’re thinking.
Your heart is working.
And these things probably mean that you’re alive.
You have food to eat and air to breathe – so you you have support from Life for being alive.
You have folks like me and others you can call on for support.

Yes, you may feel alone. That’s how it sometimes feels inside that shell you’re in the process of growing out of. In a way, yes, you have to break through that shell under your own desire, your own power – no one can do it for you. And yet, think of how many people, me included, are around you right now cheering you on through our presence. We are here. Support is here.

You’ve already broken through many other “shells” to be more of your true self. You were born, for example. And there are probably many other examples. They are all based on steps you chose to take. One by one. You made one decision at a time, then decided what to do next.

In the meantime, you have your breath, your heart working, food and air, and supportive people very nearby.

Focus your thoughts on these things. Focus on gratitude. Calmness will come. And so will the next step that is right for you in the moment.

Practice: When feeling anxiety because of change, spend 5 minutes focusing on your breath. Set a timer and just take deeper than usual breaths, bringing any stray thoughts back to your breathing. The thoughts tend to create the anxiety, so this practice helps to focus your thoughts on what “is” right now – you’re breathing.

Support: Support is available. Know that I’m more than happy to have a phone/skype session with you to lead you through some guided meditation to 1) become more centered, and 2) listen for inner guidance about your next steps.

Yes. Start noticing how you love yourself, and how you don’t. There are many vehicles for loving ourselves -

• Body self-care such as conscious eating and exercise, receiving touch
• Relationships that are mutually supportive and nurturing
• Challenging ourselves to grow
• Consciously managing our finances…

And perhaps one of the biggest ways to love ourselves? Through our thinking. Our mind is constantly thinking. Do you think more about what you or others are doing wrong? What’s “bad”?

Or are you noticing what is going well? What you or others have accomplished? What you’re grateful for?

Create a “mental field” of loving thought for yourself and others by minding what you are thinking and consciously cultivating supportive, loving thoughts about yourself and others.

Practice: For 5 minutes, journal stream-of-consciousness. Just write whatever comes to mind. After 5 minutes, make note of how you feel. Then for 5 minutes, journal about what you love about yourself, others in your life, or what you’re grateful for. Then make a note of how you feel. I bet you’ll feel more empowered after the second 5 minutes!

Truly and honestly, do your best. Because at the end of the day, you’re the one you have to live with. And isn’t knowing that you gave 100% a lot more fulfilling than otherwise? And really, in the last few moments of your life, won’t it be great to feel the peace of knowing you spent a lifetime of giving 100%?

And giving 100% is not about exhausting yourself. It’s about knowing you did your best to work toward your goals for the day, for your life. It’s about knowing that you did your best to live up to your OWN values. It’s about knowing that you did your best to love.

Practice: At the end of your day, make a brief mental inventory of your day and honor what you DID do to support your goals and values. Honor yourself in this way!